It's Sunday morning 5:15 am,(EST) Jim left for church (yes I know) and I couldn't go back to sleep.  I thought of the song on Ruby's blog so I got up to listen and found Cristin's post. She shared details I hadn't heard and the pictures we weren't in. God's timing is best, His plans perfect. But I still wish I could have been there.  I love Ruby's little picture, but I too look forward to meeting her in Heaven.  To see the light in her eyes, the joy and laughter of a sweet girl who is, as Cristin so said so perfectly, a sinless and wise soul.  She will always be with us and someday she will greet us with those who have gone before us.  Hand in hand I will picture her approaching with my Grandpa, my Dad, skipping along with Grandma...I will keep these pictures in my heart and hold tight to the peace God has given me and our family through this season.  My favorite season of the year, fall, so rich and warm in color, so full of the scents of home and crisp air, Ruby will forever be my "Little Pumpkin" She will forever be a part of my autumns in the future.

I am so grateful for my girls, for the testimony of Cristin and John's life, the compassion of friends, and the grace of God to strengthen and comfort Cristin and John in a way that has touched so many.  Their continued and growing faith has and will forever change lives to further God's Kingdom.  They are amazing and courageous beyond their years as well as mine.  I love you guys so much!!! Thank you for sharing your heart in your post. Momma Nessa

If you would like to read about their journey these last five weeks, you can read their blog for Ruby at  rarerubyjean.blogspot.com   Be sure to read in September's list "If You Want Her To"  and if music touches you like it does me there is a family blog posting of some timely songs called harrellology.blogspot.com the posting is called "Music that Heals" on Sept. 17th  John and Cristin are wonderful writers that express their hearts and lives so honestly. It will touch you deeply, get a box of tissues...I know I'm a little partial, but let me know and them if impacted your life, your walk as a believer in Jesus Christ...it sure helped me get through this knowing their faith was strong and that they have been surrounded by His peace and comfort.

Well the call came this morning, Ruby is gone.  Her life so brief, yet so precious and meaningful.  There is loss and grief, but we trust the Lord with His plan for her and our lives on this journey.  He planned her, He created her for a time and purpose and we are grateful for the growth and experience.  He never wastes pain and suffering, He has a plan we can't always see, yet we trust in Him.  Please pray for John and Cristin and the boys as they go through this season.  This Grandma's teary and sad, but I know that I will come out on the side stronger and richer in my faith and trust in my Heavenly Father.  He has taught us all so much through this and will continue to do so. 

Here is a picture of a little pumpkin I bought a couple of weeks ago.  I bought it because it is a pretty Ruby red pumpkin it is a reminder of this October's journey with our little Ruby Jean.  It is about the size she is, it is a soft velvet texture, it represents her name and it's stem is broken, which is like our little Ruby, beautiful but broken in this world.  But now with her Savior she is whole, perfect and surrounded by love.  We will have to wait to see her perfect little face, to hold her little hand and to meet the sweet little creation she is.  I will hold to the picture of my Grandpa bringing her by hand to meet me for the first time when I reach Heaven. I picture with her Daddy's large eyes, green like her Mommy's and with her Mama's big dimples and freckles.  I see her playing baseball with Daddy and rolling in the grass with her brothers.  I see her reading and crafting with her Mommy and singing at the top of her lungs with the family..."He loves us, oh how He loves us...."  I know I may never see these images for real, but I will cling to them until get home....

New Video

Well, I've been feeling a little uncreative lately so I felt like doing another video.  Today at church the choir sang a new arrangement of For the Beauty of the Earth and had asked me to do a power point for it.  It was ok, but the lighting was washed out a few times.  I'll need to use lighter pictures next time.  But thought I'd try posting my new video "T'll I See You" a song by Hillsong, let me know if you like it!

So Much Change

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted anything, and so much has changed.  We are in Kentucky and we are enjoying the area-beautiful, and the people-fun and gracious.

My heart is torn to be here too.  On September 12, I received a  call I was so not expecting.  Cristin, 21 weeks pregnant, went in for an ultrasound and it was her first so she took sister, Corban and her boys.  While taking a look, the technician found an irregular heart beat that resulted in another appointment that afternoon at another facility.  There seemed to some problems with the baby that needed further tests and a consult with a geneticist and a cardiologist.  Well, two days later she and John were at another appointment that included an amniocentesis and talking to a top infant cardiologist from UCLA and they determined that their "Baby Girl" may have a chromosome issue called Trisomy 18 or 13 which in layman's terms...she may not survive the pregnancy and if she does she wouldn't last longer than a year.  Tears...we were so wanting a girl this time and as most Grandma's I looked forward to a healthy baby no matter the sex.    

God is good all the time.  This has happened to many families before, it will happen again.  God can do a miracle and that's what we are asking for Him to do.  But His plans are best and we will accept whatever that might be for our sweet Ruby Jean.  Accept and give Him praise no matter how broken we feel.  It's not a question of why, but why not.  When there seems to be no hope is when God can show Himself to the world.  So if only through our response in all this, Ruby's life will make a difference. We all have dreams, hopes, things we hold tightly too, or expectations for futures...we may never see these come to fruition, I am learning to let go, these things may never have fit into His plan for my life, because everything is His.  Here's my latest video.  One for my little Ruby, and our family.